Web Site Story
Performed by the usual suspects at the LITA-LAMA National Conference, Pittsburgh, October 15, 1996. All to the music from West Side Story, with the usual disclaimers, but no apologies to Leonard Bernstein or Stephen Sondheim. Any resemblance to the choreography of Jerome Robbins was purely accidental.
Lyrics by Joan Frye Willams, who also directed - to the extent possible considering that Fuzzy Matchers never follow the directions.
Response Time Blues - to the tune of Something's Coming
Could be--
Who knows?
There's data due any day.
I will know right away,
Soon as it shows.
I type a search term that I think will be hot
And likely as not
Response time slows.
Who knows?
Should I stay, take a peek?
Break for coffee, wait a week?
Go for a walk?
I've got a feeling there's a fine hit list due,
Gonna come through
Unless it balks.
Could it be? Yes it could.
Something's coming, something good--
If I can wait.
Something's coming; I don't know
What it is, but it is
Gonna be great!
With a click, with a hum
Cursor blinks, records come,
Then it will stall.
Come on, system, paint displays
All the way
In less than a day,
Holdings and all.
The screen is clearing;
The outlines start to quiver.
Come on, deliver
To me.
So damn slow all the time,
Wish we had a T-1 line
All of our own.
Come on data, start to beep,
Make the leap
Like a streak
Over the phone.
My PC's humming
And something great is coming.
Who knows?
Should I stay, take a peek?
Break for coffee, wait a week?
Maybe I'll wait...
[ To Song List]
Z39.50 - to the tune of Officer Krupke
Our online system's lovely.
We treat it with respect.
There's just one part that's ugly--
It won't interconnect.
We'd like to do more searches
And maybe ILL
But this homegrown interface is hell.
Z39.50
Is just what you need.
With that approach your searching woes
Will quickly recede.
We know that you want it
So just say the word--
To do without it is absurd.
It's absurd, it's absurd,
It's so damned absurd,
It is fundamentally absurd.
We crave a modern system
With graphics, sound and such
But we're for fiscal wisdom--
It shouldn't cost too much.
Those numbers that you showed us
Make quite a budget dent.
How can we know funds will be well spent?
Z39.50
Will just do the trick.
If you give us permission
We can bring it up quick.
We'll take your desires
And put them online,
And with a standard we'll be fine.
We'll be fine, we'll be fine,
We'll be oh so fine--
If we use the standard we'll be fine.
Our screens are so prosaic;
Only graphics will do.
We think we need Mosaic
And maybe Netscape, too.
If we just had a GUI
Our lives would be complete.
And a new Web OPAC would be sweet!
Z39.50's
The most we can do.
We'll need to have more money
If you want Web stuff, too.
Just write us a blank check
And give us a Yes--
Then we'll deliver a success.
A success, a success,
A complete success--
With a pile of dough you'll buy success.
The trouble is the system!
The trouble is the cash!
The trouble is you're tightwads!
The trouble is you're rash!
Not even with a standard
Can we see eye to eye!
We will be in conflict til we die!
Z39.50
Is what we propose
But even that won't cure
Our system's case of the slows.
So take it or leave it,
It's all we can do...
Until there's more money
From you!
[ To Song List]
Tonight - to the tune of Tonight
Tonight, tonight--
We'll write that code tonight.
Tonight we'll stay here later than late.
Tonight, tonight--
It's up to us tonight.
We can no longer procrastinate.
Today all day we had the feeling
A miracle would happen;
Here's hoping we were right.
We made a deal
And what was just a dream
Must get real
Tonight.
Tonight, tonight
Is not just any night.
Tonight we know what true crisis means.
Tonight, tonight
We have to get it right--
All the files, all the jobs, all the screens.
And so we bought six dozen doughnuts,
Some M&M's and Pringles,
A case of Jolt and Sprite
And here we go--
Our screens are all aglow, cursors bright!
Tonight!
Tonight, tonight
If you know any prayers
Say them now--
Tonight!
[ To Song List]
Finale - to the tune of Somewhere
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